Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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