god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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