How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
