Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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