I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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