you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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