i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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