I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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