Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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