i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize