I think I am morally bankrupt
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
