There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
