he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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