I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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