i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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