Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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