do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize