I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
