Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
