Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
