Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
