my mouth tastes like poor choices
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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