I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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