I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
