New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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