trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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