i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
