ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
