tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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