You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
