im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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