Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my liver is dry heaving
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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