8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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