Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
