shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
