life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
