He disabled his match.com account in front of me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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