How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
