If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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