There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
