I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you win again, gameday.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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