God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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