k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
