if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
