i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
