I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
