gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
