Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
