Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
