i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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