Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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