sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
