Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
