Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
