i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
