Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
