woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize