just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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