He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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