I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
