So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
