Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
