I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize