Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
