Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize