I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
