Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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