Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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