The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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