Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
